Time To Tell Yourself A New Story

“Some of these days, and it won't be long
 Gonna drive back down where you once belonged
 In the back of a dream car twenty-foot long”.

- David Bowie, Golden Years.

That lyric always resonated with me.

I wasn’t sure why. But recently I asked myself the question, “Why would it be important for someone to drive back down to where they once lived in the back of a huge fancy limousine?”

To me the answer is to really show all those people you grew up with; all the people who doubted you; that thought you'd never become successful and thought that you weren't good enough… to prove to them how wrong they were. That you are good enough. That you were right, and they were wrong.

I can completely empathise with the desire to do that. I certainly know how that feels.

But, ultimately, it's an empty and hollow gesture. If you are living your life based on the opinions of others, then, however much money you may earn or how much success you have, your happiness is always going to be dependent upon external circumstances; based on recognition and the approval of others.

When you get it, you feel wonderful. When you don't, you feel lost and unloved. Your happiness is dependent on the whim of others.

I grew up believing that I wasn't good enough for certain people. The main reason for this was, I think, that I went out with quite a few girls from very wealthy families, and I sometimes got the impression their parents didn’t think I was good enough for their daughters. One girl, in particular, who I was madly in love with, broke up with me and I was convinced her parents made her do it.

I thought I could overcome this feeling by becoming a respectable successful lawyer and this would mean neither those people nor anybody else would look down on me again.

I quickly realised when I started working though that I was not suited to being a lawyer and following that path was a recipe for a very unhappy life. I started drinking far too much and became borderline suicidal.

Fortunately, I was self-aware enough to realise I had to make a change and brave enough to do it (though it was pretty scary). I thought that if I wasn’t suited to being a professional then I could make lots of money and that would make people respect me.

So, I became an entrepreneur, and I built several successful companies.

I then bought my own version of a 20-foot long dream car - an Aston Martin DB9.

I will admit (to my shame) I have spent quite some time driving round the roads of my childhood where certain people used to live, literally willing them to come out and notice me.

It was my way of trying to say, “Look at me. You were wrong. I am good enough.”

It’s a beautiful car, and it certainly gives me pleasure to drive it. Does it make me happy?

No.

Did parading around my old neighbourhood solve my issue and make me feel that I was good enough?

Of course not.

It was an utterly pointless thing to do.

Most of those people who I thought believed I wasn’t good enough, don't even live there anymore. Some may well be dead.  And, if I’m being honest this whole story about them thinking I wasn't good enough is simply not true. It's actually quite a ridiculous thing for me to have ever believed. I don't have any evidence to support it. In fact, most of them were always very nice to me. 

I recognise now it’s simply a story that I told myself to protect myself from the truth which was the girl I was madly in love with clearly didn’t feel the same way about me. To acknowledge that would have been even more painful.

We all tell ourselves similar stories and, if you can be honest with yourself, you will start to look at some of the stories you have told yourself and realise they aren’t true either.

Fortunately, through the personal development work and studying I've done, I now realise that the only way to feel at peace and happy with yourself is to start living from the inside. Stop concerning yourself with what other people may or may not think about you. It is simply not your business, and, in any event, I can assure you they actually don’t spend much time thinking about you at all. They all have their own lives to think about.

You have to decide on what it is you want to do with your life, decide what will make you happy and not what you think will make your parents, your friends, neighbours or children happy.

If you don't yet know what your true purpose is, then it's time for you to take that first step and really spend some time working out what it is that you love doing, what you want to contribute to the world and how you want to spend the rest of your life. Everything else flows from there.

It’s time to recognise the greatness within you; to tell yourself a new story about who you are and what you can do.

And, if you want to be a Spiritual Entrepreneur, someone who adds to the net level of happiness and good in the world, then you need to be able to translate your purpose into your business and make sure everyone you hire is on board with fulfilling your purpose.

Feel free to email me if you'd like me to send you some simple exercises to help you find some clarity on your purpose.

Just contact [email protected].

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Photo by William Daigneault on Unsplash